15 Sep Baby Boomers Guide to The Toxic Parent Trap
Parenting is an adult skill described and advised upon in hundreds of psychological articles featured in specialist magazines, web based help centers and advisory groups that target parental needs.
Psychological articles containing in depth advice on acquiring the parental skills best utilized to deal with ‘toxic’ problems in their children do not always deal with the subject brutally enough to achieve an effective program of control.
Control is the way forward for parents caught in the ‘toxic parent trap’. Children displaying the symptoms of toxicity, according to psychological articles that target these difficulties and the solutions to them, are sometimes thought to be beyond the reach of amendment and the psychological articles concentrate not so much on curing the problem but diminishing its effects.
Children unfairly marginalized as being ‘toxic’ by psychological articles are often the victims of toxic parents and poor parenting skills. Children are the end product of a regime they have no part in devising; innocent passengers in a sometimes poorly serviced vehicle driven by an inadequate driver. It is unacceptable for psychological articles to label children as ‘toxic’ and advise parents on how to survive the toxic parent trap, when the children are the ones most deeply affected by the absence of vital skills in those adults entrusted with their welfare.
The toxic parent trap is something created by the parents, not the children. Symptoms of toxicity include all kinds of unsociable traits linked with poor people skills, inadequate manners, rudeness, obnoxious behavior and general downright unpleasantness. Few psychological articles address the real root of the problem, which is the parent’s inability to see himself or herself as the failure and the child as the victim of his or her woeful attempt at raising another human being.
The parent seeks help first from relatives and friends and some time later from professionals to try to repair the damage caused to the family unit by the toxic affects of poor parenting, never considering that the problem may lie not with the child but even closer to home.
Few professionals are prepared to face their clients with an unpleasant reality and continue to subscribe to the parent’s theory of having a toxic child with toxic problems, both seeking to find a formula to correct toxic behavior in the child. Usually this toxic behavior takes the form of extreme naughtiness or in more clinical terms, opposition; the only method of strong objection a child has access to.
At the heart of the matter, seldom acknowledged by psychological articles relating to this well debated subject, is a basic truth, which is that there are no toxic children; only toxic parents with insufficient qualities to impart fundamental behavioral and social skills to their kids.
The Psychological Article on The Toxic Parent Trap is part of Boomer Yearbook’s continuing series of baby boomers psychological coaching tips and how to alleviate elderly problems. We believe knowledge is power. We’d love to hear what you think.
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