{"id":606,"date":"2009-04-26T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-04-26T04:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/karenturnerphd.com\/the-misery-of-co-dependency\/"},"modified":"2017-10-24T13:24:17","modified_gmt":"2017-10-24T17:24:17","slug":"the-misery-of-co-dependency","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/karenturnerphd.com\/the-misery-of-co-dependency\/","title":{"rendered":"The Misery of Co-dependency"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Here are some questions on co-dependency would like you to ask yourself. Do you find it difficult to let go of a relationship? Are you painstakingly loyal and afraid it will hurt the others or anyone for whom you care deeply? Are your children or others you love in danger because you are complicating your relationships? Are you rejecting all solutions offered by trustworthy friends? Do you have secret feelings of shame about your behavior or feelings of \u201ccaring\u201d for another? Do you believe you have the ability to totally change another\u2019s behavior and habits? If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you are a co-dependent!<\/p>\n

According to psychological articles<\/strong> co-dependents depend<\/em> on the behavior of their loved one in order to substitute for their personal lack of a sense of self. Oftentimes they have never learned and\/or have learned but become oblivious to their own values and needs while heroically trying to mend the ways of the addict (dependent). Fortunately, do provide hope as co-dependency is a common and treatable problem. If you are a co-dependent, you are not alone and there is help.., but you must be willing to commit to yourself<\/em> and not escape by trying to combat your loved ones problems while ignoring your own. For instance, psychological articles<\/strong> tell us that there are many instances of children, spouses, friends and lovers who have tried to make someone stop drinking or give up drugs. In some of these attempts the co-dependent may have so identified with the \u201caddicted dependent\u201d loved one that the co-dependent may have attempted to drink or do drugs with them to prevent overly excessive use. This \u201cpolicing\u201d and \u201cover-identification\u201d does not work and can have disastrous consequences in that the co-dependent person, already vulnerability to dependency, can become a drug abuser themselves, simply shifting the object of dependence from the person to the person\u2019s substance. Psychological articles<\/strong> inform us that co-dependents convince themselves that they can change the other person but more often, without help, they wind up losing themselves.<\/p>\n

If you are thinking that co-dependency is an addiction to a person, Yes!, you are right. Psychological articles<\/strong> tell us this is exactly what is going on, and this \u201cperson\u201d addiction compels the co-dependent to want to adjust the dependents wrongs, and fix the other person; a psychologically impossibility. As stated in other Boomer Yearbook psychological articles<\/strong>, co-dependence usually results from a dysfunctional childhood family of origin, such as an alcoholic or abusive environment. If these circumstances fit your upbringing it will not guarantee that you will become co-dependent, but it behooves you to check out the signs, see if you fit the profile, and if you do, get help, as psychological articles<\/strong> state you can be susceptible to relationship addiction or co-dependency issues.<\/p>\n

Co-dependency fills the person with an obsession to protect the other \u201cdependent\u201d person from harm and to decide for him\/him because the co-dependent feels they can make a better decision than the dependent loved one. However, what the co-dependent is really trying to do is gain some control of their own life by trying to control others. This control can even extend to adult children, in that co-dependent parents, (sometimes called \u201chovering or helicopter parents\u201d) can still feel their children are incapable of handling independent lives as mature adults, and will intrude and give unasked for advice, judgments, and opinions.<\/p>\n

Additionally, the co-dependent has lost their freedom of choice as they are no longer an autonomous person but are living in the shadow of your partner. Psychological articles<\/strong> reveal that the co-dependents life totally revolves around the needs and occurrences of the person to whom they are addicted of co-dependent upon, and are content with the submissive role as it is a defense, an escape from the lack of self-fulfillment and personal<\/em> responsibility. Compulsive urges control the co-dependents behavior and oftentimes leaves the person feeling helpless, and terrified of losing or damaging the relationship.<\/p>\n

Psychological articles<\/strong> bring hope stating that all these miseries brought by co-dependency can be treated and resolved. In some cases there are group supports and recovering co-dependents can provide help, and there are many therapists specifically trained to aid the recovery of co-dependent issues. Psychological articles<\/strong> state that the therapeutic goal is to give the co-dependent a sense of self, improve self esteem and learn to think and act like an independent adult.<\/p>\n

The Psychological Article on Co-Dependency <\/em> is part of Boomer Yearbook’s continuing series of suggestions on how to alleviate elderly problems<\/strong>. We believe knowledge is power. We\u2019d love to hear what you think.<\/p>\n

Boomer Yearbook<\/a> is Psychological Articles for Baby Boomers. Connect with old and new friends, or expand your mind and ward off senior moments and elderly problems with dream analysis and online optical illusions and brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join other Baby Boomers to stay informed, receive weekly Newsfeeds, and let your opinions be heard. Baby boomers changed the world. We’re not done yet!<\/p>\n

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